Saturday, January 16, 2016

What Is Your Normal?

Being a person who has struggled with being overweight since toddler-hood, my sense of self was that I was an obese person, like I was made this way. Obese was my "normal". My identity. My destiny. My attempts at weight loss were frequent and varied, but the results were always temporary. The times I spent close to my healthy weight never changed my personal identity. I always knew that all those pounds of fat were waiting in the wings, ready to slam back on me. I was never safe from it, like I was being stalked.

The emotional chaos of never feeling at peace with my body took it's toll in many ways. Every choice and decision I made in life, somehow pivoted from my low self esteem and my knowledge that I would never be good enough.

I could never figure out how other people maneuvered through their lives, seemingly free from the constant anxiety I had with food and body image. Did other people go to school with a burning empty stomach in their attempt to be normal? I would watch my thin friends and try to figure out how they ate so much, so freely, without any guilt or shame. Why weren't my siblings fat? What was wrong with me? Why was I different? Oh..right...obesity is me.. my normal.

I lost my weight on Cambridge 14 years ago. The amount of effort to lose the weight, was nothing compared to the mental work I had to do to change everything I believed about myself and who I was. Instead of seeing my obesity as normal and moments of thinness as temporary, I had to flip that and force myself to believe that my obesity was what had been the deviation from normal. My body had spent 42 years trying to deal with my physical and emotional demands. It hadn't failed me, I had failed it. I may or may not be more prone to weight gain then someone else with different DNA, but that is my reality to accept and to be responsible for.

We all come in to this world with different challenges. There is no standard "normal". Just your own personal story. My story is that for most of my life, I believed a lie. A lie I convinced myself was true. Obesity is not my identity, my destiny, or my curse. I spent my life justifying my poor health and not ever really taking responsibility for it.  I am not that person anymore.

4 comments:

  1. Great post, PamT.

    I started thin and had a hard time seeing me heavy. I always feel I am trying to get to my normal even though I have been heavy longer than I was very slender. Funny how the mind works.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It’s really extraordinary and informational blog such a good thinking. It's in reality a great and useful piece of information. I'm glad you have this helpful information with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.
    autoketing
    sales pop master
    sales pop master online

    ReplyDelete
  3. boxkid best online games
    xmas jump online
    princess college graduation ball games for girls
    What do I say about your posts? I love them. I read them everyday and always wait for new ones. I am very happy because I have something interesting to read. Hope you can upload more and more.

    ReplyDelete
  4. What do I say about your posts? I love them. I read them everyday and always wait for new ones. I am very happy because I have something interesting to read. Hope you can upload more and more.

    basketball 2018 games for girls
    draw play 3 games to play
    bicycle simulator unblocked games

    ReplyDelete