Life, Stress, Choices, Challenges

Dieting is hard, even under the best of circumstances, but outside stress pushes every button an emotional eater has. Without an alternative therapeutic release valve on your stress, it can turn in to an emotional battle ground which of course...creates more stress. For whatever reason, we turned to food as our coping tool. Other people turn to more positive outlets like music, exercise, hobbies, or any number of options. There are alternatives out there for each one of us. The challenge is to discover what yours is.

In a typical persons life they will be touched by all sorts of difficult things that are overwhelming and seem insurmountable, but for the most part, we get through and we go one. We may be changed, hopefully for the better, but we do go on. I have always told my kids that "You can get over pretty much anything". That probably sounds insensitive, but if it were not true, then why even try? I based this theory on my own personal experiences and heartbreaks. Deaths, divorces, addictions, poverty, homelessness, chronic illness, physical/emotional abuse..yeah..I can tick all those boxes whether in my own life or in one of my children's lives. And yet, time goes on and we do too.

We may not have the power to change other people, but we do have the power to change ourselves and the direction we choose to take. Obesity doesn't happen "to" us. It happens "because" of us. That's the good news! We are the creators of our current physical state, good or bad. We can be the designers of our new and improved physicality as well.

Never underestimate you ability to change.

Easy To Be Cruel

Last night my 32 yr old Daughter needed to go shopping so she went to Walmart, the only store open late in our area. While she was there she texted me this message, "Two young guys just walked past me and one made a puking sound at me". She added, " They were probably about 20 yrs old.

Most people think my daughter is in her early 20's. She says it is one of the perks of being overweight. She tries to have a good self esteem in spite of her weight, and was actually feeling especially confident yesterday due to finally getting a good job after a couple of years of unemployment. She's been able to buy new clothes and take better care of herself. Then, two jackasses cross her path and lob an emotional grenade at her, a direct hit. As they walked away laughing at their mutual brilliance, she was left standing there humiliated, hurt, and angry.

This has been her life since she was about 8 yrs old. My daughter has battled being 200 pounds or more over weight most of her life. It creates an interesting dynamic between her and I. Here I am, the "Cambridge Lady" who spends her days helping other people lose weight and deal with the emotional luggage they carry, and I can't help my daughter. My heart breaks for her. Every time some thoughtless idiot does something like this to her...well...so many feelings.

I had my share of abusive behaviors directed at me and my weight over my life. Each one of them is branded in my memory. Beginning as a 3 year old being told I was too chubby to eat what my siblings ate, to being made fun of in the playground and feeling like I had to run faster and play harder then the skinny kids, to having young guys yell "Ya ever heard of Jenny Craig!" out their car window at me as they drove by, to having a neighbor in my apartment complex that would "Oink" every time I had to walk past his door to get to the stairs.

My daughter is a force to be reckoned with. She puts on a confident and together facade, but I know she is suffering in silence. This morning I saw that she had posted on her FaceBook page. It read, "Two young guys just walked past me at Walmart and one made a puking sound at me. Either I'm super gross, or he is. I was actually totally feeling awesome today. Clearly the issue was with him cuz I'm fierce as eff.

Good girl

Feeling Invincible?

I was watching a TV show about addiction. One of the men featured was addicted to meth, and the other to Oxycodone. They showed a little of what their day to day lives were like and how their addictions had affected their lives, relationships, and their sense of self worth. Like most addicts, their drug of choice took priority over all things. The show was about them coming to terms with their addictions and going in to treatment.

I found it impossible not to relate to these two. Over the course of my food abusive obsessive life, I made many choices that I clearly knew were harmful to my life in body and mind. I knew that these choices also affected my children and friends. They altered my life choices regarding school and career, and were the root of my dependence on others.  No amount of shame or guilt was enough to cause me to stop what I was doing. My food addiction took priority over all things.

While these two men progressed in their treatment and recovery I was impressed again by the similarities between their experience and mine. One of the counselors said something, (it was more of a warning) that struck a cord.  He said that it's when you are feeling the most invincible in your recovery... that you are the most vulnerable to relapse. This may sound contradictory. Confidence and feeling invincible should mean you got your stuff under control, right? Unfortunately for those who struggle with addiction, feeling invincible is part of the illness. It's an extreme thought process or emotion that is not valid and leaves you teetering for a fall.

Over the 15 years that I have worked with people struggling with obesity, one pattern that I've seen repeated over and over, is the dieter who successfully completes their first month on Cambridge and now feels invincible over their old behaviors and habits. They honestly feel so powerful that they willingly put themselves in situations that in the past would have triggered a full on eating binge. They think they will not be tempted and that there is zero chance they will trip and fall. This emotional state of mind is not based on a history of experience, but on the high they feel from 30 days of self control. This is not unlike the addict that leaves their 90 day recovery program after only 30 days completed.

Sobriety needs to be tended to and nurtured, not challenged. No matter if we are talking drugs, alcohol, or food. Yes, it is wonderful to feel free from whatever substance had a hold on you, but never turn your back on it and become cavalier about your recovery. It takes time and a restructuring of how we react to the events of life, how we see ourselves in our new lifestyle and others see us. Relationships have to adjust..sometimes even end. Ultimately, the goal is to feel peace in  your relationship with food. Extreme emotions are not the goal. Feeling invincible is nothing more then the pendulum of feeling out of control, swinging in the opposite direction. It can swing back just as easily.

Losing Weight Can Be A Lonely Experience

When it seems like everyone else in the world is out enjoying reckless eating and drinking and mindlessly indulging while you are stuck in this isolated place of dieting, how do you make yourself feel ok about it? How do you not feel left out or just plain depressed about not being part of it all? Food tends to be the center of most gatherings, big or small. Being the only one not partaking can make you feel like you have a big ol' spotlight on your head saying, "Hey! Look at me! I'm not eating!". People notice and comment and question what you are doing, They give unsolicited (and uneducated) advice on the perils of what you're doing. They prod and push you to eat something because "it won't hurt you and you gotta eat".

We all experience this. Losing weight is hard. Being on a highly restrictive and very low calorie diet has it's own special challenges. The rewards are GREAT, but there is a price. You may have to watch people eating those doughnuts a co-worker brought in to the office, or smell the pizza your husband brought home for the kids, or bake the cookies for the sale at the school.....and on and on.

Food is everywhere and there's no avoiding it so.. if I had any advice to give.. it would simply be to remind yourself that this is temporary. The food will always be there. Anything you want so badly today will still be there when you are through losing your weight. Holidays will still come. Weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, or just Friday date nights will keep coming as long as you are alive so what's the big deal of temporarily bowing out for one round of them? What you are doing is important. Give this effort you are making the respect it deserves and demand that the people in your life do likewise. Yes, it can be lonely, but like the butterfly that spends its time alone in its cocoon, soon you will emerge and finally be able to fully enjoy what life has to offer you!

Here's A Question

Would You Rather Be Covered In Sweat At The Gym, Or Covered With Clothes At The Beach?

As someone that lives about 15 minutes from the beach, this is a pertinent question.  One of the nice things about the beaches here in my part of Florida is that people do not seem to be nearly as body self conscience as the beaches I grew up with on the West coast of Southern Calif. Here, with the large population of retirees, you will see all sizes, shapes, and ages strolling and enjoying the sun and surf in their swimsuits and shorts. I LOVE that!

 Everyone should feel free to enjoy life the same as anyone else does without worry of judgement or hurtful stares or comments. It makes me kind of sad though when I'm at the beach and I do see someone that is overweight and wearing too much clothing with the purpose to cover their body out of shame or embarrassment. I know that feeling. I know how hot and miserable they are. I wish I had a magic wand.  I could tap them with it and take away all those negative thoughts and feelings and free them to enjoy the sun and the water unencumbered.

Unfortunately, we do live in a society that make judgments and can be cruel and demeaning to people with weight issues. It's wrong, but it's our current reality. It can be hard to put yourself out in the world to face ridicule, but you can't let the small minds of others ruin your determination to improve your health and increase your happiness.

Making the effort now to lose the weight and get in shape can be your magic wand. Summer is right around the corner. There is still time to make some progress towards being more comfortable for that light summer clothing we all love to wear. Heavy winter stuff will soon be back in storage so no more hiding!

The "WHY" Of Weight

I know it is a normal thing for people to try and figure out why they have allowed themselves to become overweight or obese. You could spend a lot of time theorizing and even allow yourself to be influenced by whatever the popular thoughts are on the subject, but I came to realize that you really don't get to the root of it until the weight is in the process of being lost. When you are forced to face the reality of self imposed limitations and you no longer have that crutch to lean on, it is time to deal.

One thing I realized over the coarse of my weight loss was that my obesity had lessened others expectations of me. This had not been the conscious reason behind my weight problem, but it certainly did play a part in the path my life had taken all those years. I'm not sure when my sense of feeling incapable compared to others took root, but being obese sure did give me a good excuse not to excel in anything.  I convinced myself that survival was all I could hope for and that I had a perfectly good excuse not to try for more.

I was quite shocked at how that all shifted when I lost the weight. Suddenly people had expectations of me! I was very intimidated by that and it took time for me to adjust, but my sense of achievement and interest in seeing what else I could do eventually got me through it.

Along the same line, as a single mom I was often overwhelmed with the 24/7 never ending demands of my 3 kids, plus running a home based day care 12 hours a day. I realized that the action of eating tended to make people leave me alone for a while. Even a few minutes of no demands kept me sane, so eating was a good shield to tell everyone, "Later, I'm busy eating right now".

These insights gradually became apparent to me over the months of changing. There were others, but these were a couple of the ones that took me by surprise as I discovered them and worked at dealing with the emotions as they were emerging.

If you are in the process of losing weight, take advantage of the insights you will be presented with as you progress. Don't be afraid to accept the fears or to take ownership. None of us get obese because we are hungry. There is ALWAYS an emotional root that needs pulling.

I've Been A Bad Bad Blogger!

Hey people, I've been sadly slacking in my blogging of late. I guess that I've been a bit sluggish due to after Holiday fatigue. The weather is cold and gloomy for Florida and I seem to be one of those people that gets blue when it's grey.

Good news is that I am making progress on my weight loss. No, I'm not weighing, but I am seeing and feeling the difference in the mirror and in how my clothes are fitting. I went off track over the Holidays and got a bit "fluffy" so I had some repair work to do, but things are going well now.

I am really enjoying making my Cambridge ice cream with the machine my son gave me for Christmas. I had Food For Life (FFL) 420 Eggnog ice cream tonight made with a good dash of cinnamon. Totally yummy! I had my delicious pancakes for breakfast and my favorite, my double 330 Rich/Dutch Chocolate Mocha shake made with some ice coffee I had in the fridge and my special blend of Shakes. I dump one whole container of 330 Dutch Chocolate in a gallon zip loc bag with another whole container of the 330 Rich Chocolate. I add about 1/4 cup of unsweetened cocoa powder and shake it up. This is the perfect chocolaty thick creamy shake in my opinion! Add the cold coffee and a couple of ice cubes and it's heavenly!

Oh You Holidays! What Am I going To Do With You?

Here are my thoughts. It would be awesome if we could all SS right through the New Year. If able to do that, then by all means do it! Most of us seem to be kind of aiming for perfection during the most difficult time of year, but falling short. I believe that the one thing you do NOT want to do when trying to lose weight is allow any negative thoughts take over.

I had intended to SS right through the holidays and straight to my birthday on Feb 18th. I had completed about 12 or 13 days sole source, and then had Thanksgiving. Since then I have not felt motivated to get back to it and I have felt kind of bad about it, not to mention physically just blah. I realized that for now, my goal is good enough if it is just not to gain anything over the holidays. So what I'm going to do is get back in the habit of having Cambridge very day and  consider what I eat carefully and be sure it is worth it. It's not an all or nothing thing, or at least it doesn't have to be. I want to keep my attitude positive. I want to retain my Cambridge habit. I want to weigh every day for now to be sure I am not gaining ANYTHING and I also want to feel free to eat if I choose until Christmas. Then it will be a full on focused effort to my birthday. I realize that my birthday is just a day on the calendar and I've never been much of a believer of setting myself up with a deadline before, but turning 56 is kind of major to me and I do want to begin my 56th year in better shape then I am today.

Each of us has to develop our own strategy for getting through this annual food fest without doing too much damage, physically or mentally. I just want to be sure that no one sets them self up for any negative thoughts if they can't be perfect for the next few weeks. There is no one right answer, other then to be sure that you are keeping a positive outlook at this evolution we call weight loss.

Learned Helplessness

When an athlete has an injury, lets say a runner breaks their leg, and they go through a time of recovery with a cast and crutches or whatever apparatus is required, they have to relearn how to get around and compensate for being off balance with whatever they are forced to drag around. Eventually they get the cast removed and even though they may have spent their entire life up until that injury being a runner, they will have to relearn how to walk normally again. They have learned not to trust that limb, the muscles have atrophied so it feels weak, they have gotten used to their lop sided gait and can't remember how to move smoothly and without thinking about it and it may feel like they will never be back to normal again. Running feels awkward and stilted. It is a learned behavior and the only way to get past it is to challenge it and push through, maybe by using visualization to reboot the mind and muscle memory to once again run freely. Physical therapy can assist the person in relearning to depend on that limb and eventually the recovery is complete.

My point is that we are all susceptible to false beliefs. This can be due to learned conditioning as in the broken limb, or in our self belief based on past experiences and input from others. It makes sense that if you fail at something, you have one of two options. Give up or try again. If you try again and fail it begins to alter your thinking and weakens your confidence until you lose hope in your ability to do any better. You may try again, only this time you go in expecting to fail. Like the broken leg, if every time you try to walk again you fell, how many times would you get back up before fearing failure, possibly not even trying so hard with each attempt. It's a self fulfilling prophecy.

Most of us have a history of dieting and disappointment. We flog ourselves emotionally with each failure and our self esteem gets chipped away with each attempt. Gradually we come to believe that obesity is our destiny and that the most we can hope for is to keep it under control with periodic efforts at weight loss. We no longer consider ourselves "normal" by the world's standards and our fear of failure is ever present, sometimes to the point of self sabotage without even being aware of it.

Cambridge is a good apparatus to support your body during it's healing from obesity. It can only address the physical need. The emotional mindset of what you believe about yourself and your ability to accomplish your goal is 100% on you. Cambridge can serve as your "physical therapist", but not as your emotional one. There is only so much support you can get from others, or that I can offer one on one to you individually. There is no escaping the fact that at some point, we much deal with ourselves and our issues and do the work to heal them. We can't blame anyone or anything for our situation, nor can we hold others responsible for our successes or failures. You have to force yourself to override the ingrained thinking that continually trips you up and causes you to accept less from yourself then you are truly capable of. It won't be comfortable or seem natural, but it has to happen. You have to believe in yourself and be willing to say "no" just as you would to a tantruming child. No bargaining or justifying. You have to understand that your thinking is the illness and the obesity is the symptom. You can't cure illness by treating symptoms.

Your mindset or concept of self is the core of your issues with food and weight. It is what will propel you forward or hold you back. I learned that if I changed my thinking, I could change my perception of my world and how I experienced it. Once I truly understood my potential to change what I didn't like about how I was living, it opened up doors I never understood I had barricaded. It was a revelation to say the least and I still marvel at it. Cambridge unlocked the door for me, but I had to be brave enough to go through it and see what was on the other side. Fortunately, the other side is wonderful!

Tips for Those New To Cambridge, part 1 of 2

          
         
Some of you are new to Cambridge and may not have heard these suggestions before so they are worth repeating I think          
         
1) Be SURE to have all 3 of you Cambridge servings a day. This is extremely important, even if you are doing the regular program and adding food. You are only guaranteed a safe weight loss experience if you have your 3 a day. Otherwise you are on a "crash" type diet and you could harm your health.          
         
2) In your first week you are going through lots of adjustments. One of them is entering     ketosis. You can read about ketosis on my web site on the Q&A page. Until you enter ketosis you may experience hunger. If so, feel free to have additional Cambridge if you need them. Have whatever it takes to get you through the first few days without breaking your diet. You are better off having additional calories of Cambridge then regular food that may get out of control.          
         
3) If you find that you are feeling hungry between your Cambridge meals, you can break up your servings into half servings and spread them out over the day. For some this seems to help, especially in the beginning. You will eventually be able to just have your 3 or 4 whole servings at regular intervals with no feelings of hunger except at meal times.         
         
4) It is encouraged that you try for 2 solid weeks of SS, meaning you substitute ALL your food with Cambridge. This gives you the best start and allows the body to adjust while giving you the benefit of natural appetite suppressant and good energy that comes from being in ketosis. If you are going to add regular food to the diet, try to stick to lean proteins and low carb veggies. This will have less of an effect on your appetite. High sugar foods like fruit might stimulate your appetite, but you can try and see. Some people add fruit to the shakes and do fine, others find it makes them hungry. SS is best so give it a good try!         
         
5) Drink water! Lots of water! More then you likely drink now. Double it! I have a 32 oz bottle that I fill at least 3 times a day. It helps with weight loss and fluid retention.          
         
6) Take a good "before" picture. This will become very important to you as you are losing. I found that I had such body image problems that I could not see the weight loss in the mirror. I had to keep taking Polaroid's (before cell phone cameras!) to compare the difference. It is amazing to see the progress in pictures!          
         
7) Try not to be a slave to the scale. Remember that scales are weighing the entire body, not just the fat. Your body is in a constant state of change and it is unrealistic to think that what you see on the scale is in any way an accurate measure of fat loss. Try to weigh once a week and then have someone hide the scale from you!          
         
8) Exercise is not a requirement to lose on Cambridge, but it certainly does keep things moving along and helps to tone and firm as you lose. The health benefits are tremendous, both physically and mentally! Walking is a good way to start and light weights should come next.          
         
9) If you have a large amount to lose, try not to look at the big picture. Take it in mini goals, 10 pounds, one size, etc. Before you know it you will be at goal!          
         
10) You will probably have lots of well meaning friends and family tell you that what you are doing is bad for you. Try to listen and understand that it's possible and not unusual for people to be talking only to please themselves, not you. Obviously, you have done your research and have determined that Cambridge is a safe effective and nutritious way to lose weight at the fastest rate possible. They should respect that. Thank them for their concern and then suggest they go have this conversation with one of their friends who is considering gastric surgery.          
         
11) You will probably go through some emotional trials as you lose. None of us got this heavy because we were hungry! We got obese because of an inappropriate relationship with food based on an emotional need. You might be confronting these issues as your weight goes down. This is part of the healing that is taking place and should be embraced, not avoided.          
         
12) Remember to come to visit the Support Board at 
http://members5.boardhost.com/pam140/
when you need help or encouragement, or just need to brag! We will cheer for you, we will cry with you, we will educate you, we will understand.          
         
13) Finally, try to think of this as a gift to yourself. Others will benefit indirectly... family, loved ones, etc..but this is all about you! This is the time to be selfish in the best way possible. Do not let other's needs override your own. No one will suffer if you don't go to that BBQ or have any of that birthday cake. You will not offend anyone if you refuse to go out with the people at work to celebrate a promotion or a retirement. Send a card or flowers, just don't send yourself! 

Check back 10/28 for part 2