Easy To Be Cruel

Last night my 32 yr old Daughter needed to go shopping so she went to Walmart, the only store open late in our area. While she was there she texted me this message, "Two young guys just walked past me and one made a puking sound at me". She added, " They were probably about 20 yrs old.

Most people think my daughter is in her early 20's. She says it is one of the perks of being overweight. She tries to have a good self esteem in spite of her weight, and was actually feeling especially confident yesterday due to finally getting a good job after a couple of years of unemployment. She's been able to buy new clothes and take better care of herself. Then, two jackasses cross her path and lob an emotional grenade at her, a direct hit. As they walked away laughing at their mutual brilliance, she was left standing there humiliated, hurt, and angry.

This has been her life since she was about 8 yrs old. My daughter has battled being 200 pounds or more over weight most of her life. It creates an interesting dynamic between her and I. Here I am, the "Cambridge Lady" who spends her days helping other people lose weight and deal with the emotional luggage they carry, and I can't help my daughter. My heart breaks for her. Every time some thoughtless idiot does something like this to her...well...so many feelings.

I had my share of abusive behaviors directed at me and my weight over my life. Each one of them is branded in my memory. Beginning as a 3 year old being told I was too chubby to eat what my siblings ate, to being made fun of in the playground and feeling like I had to run faster and play harder then the skinny kids, to having young guys yell "Ya ever heard of Jenny Craig!" out their car window at me as they drove by, to having a neighbor in my apartment complex that would "Oink" every time I had to walk past his door to get to the stairs.

My daughter is a force to be reckoned with. She puts on a confident and together facade, but I know she is suffering in silence. This morning I saw that she had posted on her FaceBook page. It read, "Two young guys just walked past me at Walmart and one made a puking sound at me. Either I'm super gross, or he is. I was actually totally feeling awesome today. Clearly the issue was with him cuz I'm fierce as eff.

Good girl

Diet Fatigue

One of the things I remember about my weight loss experience with Cambridge is something I called "diet fatigue". It kicked in towards the end of the second month of my diet. I had already had a great deal of success. I had lost over 30 pounds my first month so there was plenty of reason to feel motivated! I was happy with my Cambridge products, not having any hunger, wonderful energy and all in all, I felt great...physically. Mentally was another story. This was not an issue with missing food. I know that's what it probably sounds like, but actually it was just an overwhelming impatience for the weight loss period to be over. By mid way through my 120 pound loss, I felt like it was dragging on forever! This was obviously not the case since I had dieted for many months before on other programs like Weight Watchers with only a moderate weight loss result. Here I was only 2 months in and had already lost over 40 pounds! For some reason, the rapid weight loss made me want to wave a magic wand and be at my goal. I had a taste of what was to come in my new life and I wanted it NOW!

I started getting sloppy. A nibble of this, a bite of that, some hot air popcorn at night...before I knew it, my weight loss had stalled. I was perplexed since I wasn't consciously sabotaging my diet. If someone had asked me, I would have sworn I was sticking to my plan 100%. I really was in denial. It was my daughter that pointed out  what I was doing and I realized that even though I had thought I had conquered my food issues by that time (totally unrealistic!) I was in fact still playing the same games I had always played with other diets in the past. Self sabotage is a hard thing to admit. It is easy to blame everyone and everything for our failures, but ultimately our weight problems are from the choices we make. I had to learn to pay attention to that little voice telling me that I deserved something extra, or that this little bit won't hurt. Worse was the old behavior of making impulsive decisions and seeing what I could get away with. None of these behaviors display the self control I thought I had. I also think that at some level I may have been a little scared of how my life was changing. I made no sense, but it didn't have to.

If you have experienced your own diet fatigue and feel like you may quit.. or like me.. be self sabotaging, this is your wake up call! When we say this is about "persistence, not perfection", it's really true! Losing weight is not for wimps. It challenges us on so many levels, both physically and emotionally. Getting our bodies healthy and in shape is one thing, but you have to get your mental health in line as well. One supports the other and when one is struggling, the other will follow. Starting a diet is easy. Finishing is something else. That finish line is there waiting for you. Don't let something as unimportant as boredom or frustration get in your way and keep you from what you want most.