Fat Shaming

It seems we are in an interesting phase in our society. The term, "fat shaming" may be trendy, but cruelty towards people dealing with eating disorders and obesity has, in my opinion, been the last socially acceptable prejudice for a very long time. It begins in childhood, sometimes within the family structure that should be offering a safe haven, and continues all though a person's life. Every stage of life is affected. Schoolyard bullying, isolation during those difficult teen years, early adulthood with denied job and career opportunities, even lack of finding meaningful relationships and building a family. No one has ever gone to battle for the rights and feelings of the obese before. Over our lifetime other forms of prejudice have come under fire and caused a shift in thought and behavior of the majority, but publicly humiliating the obese has still been acceptable.

We can look back at what were once acceptable prejudices and behaviors, even within our own lifetime, and be horrified by them today. People will rally to the defense now of a person deemed "different" for whatever reason if they are being victimized or bullied, but as my daughter experienced just this past week in Walmart, two adult men can verbally abuse an adult obese woman in a store, with other shoppers present, and NO ONE will intervene on her behalf. No one will step up and shield her or call them out for being ignorant. It supports the deep belief that most obese people have. That we deserve to be abused. We should be ashamed of our bodies. Unlike most other self destructive addictive behaviors, we wear our pain and shame out in the open for all to see and judge and ridicule. 2 young adult men know that they can rudely imitate vomiting or gagging while looking at her as they pass and not worry about anyone else caring or taking action. The last acceptable prejudice.

The only TV shows that focus on overweight people are those that are about 'Extreme Weight loss" or "Biggest Loser" or some other insulting degrading shame fest. I was hopeful when the show "Mike and Molly" came on the air. It was about 2 normal people who were both obese that found each other and fell in love. it seemed like it would be so sweet. The first season was predictably focused on their futile attempts to lose weight with all the expected jokes and jabs. SO disappointing. Is it impossible to imagine fat people loving and being loved for who they are and it having NOTHING to do with their weight? There have been sitcoms that had slim women with overweight men and that is acceptable. A woman can fall in love with an obese man and no one questions it, but have you ever seen a show depicting a slim man falling in love with an obese woman that is not about fetishes? I haven't.

There was a comedian this past week that posted a YouTube video that went viral and has caused an enormous uprising among the "No Fat Shaming" community. She called it comedy. Everyone else called it hate filled bullying to the most extreme. The fact that she is making tons of money off of this video because the very community she attacked has spread it all over social media in protest is unfortunate, but at least it has stirred the pot and caused those who may not have given any thought before to the reality of what overweight people endure, to see and react and possibly change their own prejudice.

I fully support striving for a healthy body and weight. However, it's a personal choice how one manages their diet and their health. No one has the right to judge or abuse someone that is overweight. We all have our struggles. For someone like this "comedian", the shaming should be on her. She has hurt vulnerable people who have done nothing to her. That is the definition of a bully.

Easy To Be Cruel

Last night my 32 yr old Daughter needed to go shopping so she went to Walmart, the only store open late in our area. While she was there she texted me this message, "Two young guys just walked past me and one made a puking sound at me". She added, " They were probably about 20 yrs old.

Most people think my daughter is in her early 20's. She says it is one of the perks of being overweight. She tries to have a good self esteem in spite of her weight, and was actually feeling especially confident yesterday due to finally getting a good job after a couple of years of unemployment. She's been able to buy new clothes and take better care of herself. Then, two jackasses cross her path and lob an emotional grenade at her, a direct hit. As they walked away laughing at their mutual brilliance, she was left standing there humiliated, hurt, and angry.

This has been her life since she was about 8 yrs old. My daughter has battled being 200 pounds or more over weight most of her life. It creates an interesting dynamic between her and I. Here I am, the "Cambridge Lady" who spends her days helping other people lose weight and deal with the emotional luggage they carry, and I can't help my daughter. My heart breaks for her. Every time some thoughtless idiot does something like this to her...well...so many feelings.

I had my share of abusive behaviors directed at me and my weight over my life. Each one of them is branded in my memory. Beginning as a 3 year old being told I was too chubby to eat what my siblings ate, to being made fun of in the playground and feeling like I had to run faster and play harder then the skinny kids, to having young guys yell "Ya ever heard of Jenny Craig!" out their car window at me as they drove by, to having a neighbor in my apartment complex that would "Oink" every time I had to walk past his door to get to the stairs.

My daughter is a force to be reckoned with. She puts on a confident and together facade, but I know she is suffering in silence. This morning I saw that she had posted on her FaceBook page. It read, "Two young guys just walked past me at Walmart and one made a puking sound at me. Either I'm super gross, or he is. I was actually totally feeling awesome today. Clearly the issue was with him cuz I'm fierce as eff.

Good girl