Feeling Invincible?

I was watching a TV show about addiction. One of the men featured was addicted to meth, and the other to Oxycodone. They showed a little of what their day to day lives were like and how their addictions had affected their lives, relationships, and their sense of self worth. Like most addicts, their drug of choice took priority over all things. The show was about them coming to terms with their addictions and going in to treatment.

I found it impossible not to relate to these two. Over the course of my food abusive obsessive life, I made many choices that I clearly knew were harmful to my life in body and mind. I knew that these choices also affected my children and friends. They altered my life choices regarding school and career, and were the root of my dependence on others.  No amount of shame or guilt was enough to cause me to stop what I was doing. My food addiction took priority over all things.

While these two men progressed in their treatment and recovery I was impressed again by the similarities between their experience and mine. One of the counselors said something, (it was more of a warning) that struck a cord.  He said that it's when you are feeling the most invincible in your recovery... that you are the most vulnerable to relapse. This may sound contradictory. Confidence and feeling invincible should mean you got your stuff under control, right? Unfortunately for those who struggle with addiction, feeling invincible is part of the illness. It's an extreme thought process or emotion that is not valid and leaves you teetering for a fall.

Over the 15 years that I have worked with people struggling with obesity, one pattern that I've seen repeated over and over, is the dieter who successfully completes their first month on Cambridge and now feels invincible over their old behaviors and habits. They honestly feel so powerful that they willingly put themselves in situations that in the past would have triggered a full on eating binge. They think they will not be tempted and that there is zero chance they will trip and fall. This emotional state of mind is not based on a history of experience, but on the high they feel from 30 days of self control. This is not unlike the addict that leaves their 90 day recovery program after only 30 days completed.

Sobriety needs to be tended to and nurtured, not challenged. No matter if we are talking drugs, alcohol, or food. Yes, it is wonderful to feel free from whatever substance had a hold on you, but never turn your back on it and become cavalier about your recovery. It takes time and a restructuring of how we react to the events of life, how we see ourselves in our new lifestyle and others see us. Relationships have to adjust..sometimes even end. Ultimately, the goal is to feel peace in  your relationship with food. Extreme emotions are not the goal. Feeling invincible is nothing more then the pendulum of feeling out of control, swinging in the opposite direction. It can swing back just as easily.