Day 1, Cake For Breakfast

The past few months I have made a some halfhearted attempts to lose some weight and get back on track with my health habits. Maybe more like quarterhearted. lol! Getting careless while getting older is not a good combo. My goal has always been to age gracefully while living an active healthy life. I've worked hard for many years to achieve that, including weight loss..knee replacement...skin removal...and exercise. So why drop the ball when I turn 59? Makes no sense, but said ball was dropped and dropped HARD!

Last night I put my Cambridge on the counter and everything I use to make my Cambridge Chocolate Lava cake. I didn't want to wake up with lost momentum and change my mind. I got up, poured my coffee, and 3 minutes later I had mixed and microwave baked this:

It was a perfect start to my day. It's 2:43 as I type this post to my blog and I have also enjoyed a Rich Vanilla Shake with Watkins caramel flavor. Yummy! I'm feeling good and confident that I will complete this day successfully and continue on to Day 2.

I don't know why I got so careless the past couple of months. I know the consequences and the price I pay with weight gain and poor health. Oh well...no looking back. Only forward and no more nonsense! I'm SSing to get back on track with my weight and my numbers (blood sugar, BP, etc) and if you would like to join me, please do! 

Day 5.5 And My Breakfast Brownie!

This morning I made a chocolaty brownie for my breakfast. Oops! I meant a chocolaty CAMBRIDGE brownie!I didn't measure anything so I may not be able to duplicate it, but this thing was delicious! In fact, my very picky son came out of his room and said, "Did you make brownies?" lol!

Basically I took an egg white (17 cal) and whisked it up until frothy. I added a scoop of my perfect blend 330 Rich/Dutch Chocolate Cambridge, then about a T of cocoa powder (12 Cal) and the same amount of Splenda. I added about 1/4 t of baking powder and about 1 T of sugar free mocha coffee flavored creamer (20 cal). I also plopped in about 1/2 tsp of melted coconut oil (18 cal). It made a thick pasty dough/batter. Then I had to decide how to cook/bake it. I patted it in to a large thick cookie size. I first put it in a skillet with a little cooking spray with a lid on the pan. I thought this was a good idea but then realized it was burning too quickly on the bottom. I turned it over on to a little microwave safe plate and finished it off in the micro. As soon as it was firm to touch I took it out. It only took a few seconds. I let it cool completely as that definitely improves the flavor of the chocolate Cambridge baked items. Oh my goodness! This was so delicious! The texture was perfect and the flavor was spot on. In all I added about 67 calories to my total. I won't be adding anything else to my shakes today so that is within my allowed additions.

I don't have any of the Oats at the moment (should be getting my order this coming week, yay!) which is my normal go to SSing breakfast. I usually make my Super Oats pancakes and I just wasn't in the mood to have a shake in this morning . But a brownie? YES PLEASE!

Day 16 of Sole Source (SS)

I decided back on the 15th to get back on SS to lose some weight that I had been accumulating since my vacation back in Oct. My husband and I went down south to the Florida Keys and I was in vacation mode. I pretty much ate whatever he did and while that has no effect on him, for me it was probably more then twice what I would normally consume.  With that and the holidays, I got kind of lax in my dietary habits and some weight had crept on while I was looking the other way. My pants were tight and that's my signal for getting my act together. So, along with a great group of people on my Support Board, ( http://members5.boardhost.com/pam140/ ) I jumped on the SS train and I've been going strong!

I made the decision not to weigh when I started. I didn't want a number to mess with my head and I figured it really didn't matter anyway. In fact, I have not weighed at all! Yes, 16 days and I have absolutely no idea how much I've lost or what I weigh. I'm feeling kind of free because of it! No judge and jury staring up at me from the scale every morning. No number in my head telling me how I should feel about myself and if I was going to have a good day or a bad one. I am stresslessly going about my days knowing that I am doing everything I can possibly do to allow my body to lose the weight. It's a different approach, especially for me since I tend to be a meticulous chart keeper.

About a  year and a half ago I had set a goal to get back to my high school weight by my 56th birthday. Well..I didn't get there.  Now my 57th is just 19 days away. I won't make that goal in 19 days, but I'm determined I will be on my way there!

Maintenance?

Like most, I have lost and gained the same weight so many times over my life that I could never put a number to it. The gaining part took no effort what so ever. The losing part seemed like endless sacrifice. Maintenance? Hmm...now that was an interesting concept. From childhood on I was either losing or gaining...never maintaining. My body didn't do maintenance. Dieting=weight loss. Eating=weight gain. Those were the two options. 

So needless to say, these past 15 years of figuring out how to not gain the 120+ pounds I had lost back.. has been as labor intensive as anything I did to get here. My body is so prone to weight gain that for me, maintenance requires vigilance and effort. I wish I could say that my body was "healed" from being a fat storing machine, but that wouldn't be true. If I deviate from my normal controlled eating plan for more then an occasional meal now and then, I will gain. If I take a break for a week and  eat like everyone else around me is eating, including people who are not overweight, I will gain. And it's not necessarily the calorie count that is the issue, but the food itself that will cause the weight gain. 

Grain based foods and sugar are the welcome mat in front of my fat cells. My insulin spikes and every calorie gets locked away like squirrels storing nuts for the winter.  On top of that, eating them also awakens the sleeping beast that is appetite and hunger. Uncontrolled type 2 diabetics can have a voracious appetite that is beyond anything imaginable. As far as you body is concerned, it is starving, no matter how much you consume. Obesity is the natural result.  

It is my JOB to be mindful of the food I consume and I know that each choice comes with consequence for me, good or bad. Because I am diabetic, I have a built in alarm system that fires if I go astray for more then the occasional deviation from my normal diet. I will feel like crap! I keep my blood sugar and insulin levels under control with lifestyle choices, but when I choose something different, BAM! Diabetic Pam!  

It frustrates me to accept the fact that I will never be"normal", whatever that is. I'm still not sure how "normal" people go about their lives. Do they just naturally run checks and balances in their heads constantly to keep their weight and health on track? I know that's how I live now. I generally know the caloric and nutritional value of everything I put in my mouth and I keep a running tally in my head. I see other people eating breads and sugary deserts and know that I can't have it. Let me rephrase that, I choose not to have it. Do I want it? You know I do, but if I want to stay on this planet with all my original parts and be healthy, I have to say "No". That is maintenance for me.

Good Report Card!

Last week, a couple of days before my kidney stone adventure, I had a scheduled day at the lab for complete blood work and Urinalysis. Years ago, before my weight loss, I was a total train wreck when it came to the numbers. Everything was too high or too low. I hadn't gotten things checked in a few years so I wanted to see how things were doing. I got my results today. It's so awesome! You can have them emailed to you now! Anyway...everything is spot on target! Everything!

I'm 56 now and I have a history of diabetes, vascular disease, hypertension, congestive heart failure, gout, and a long list of stuff I can't even remember. I have to say...I'm pretty proud of those results! Considering that I passed a kidney stone the next day I was surprised to see there was no detected blood or anything else in the urinalysis to indicate any kidney problems.

Anyone that thinks they can't do anything about their lifestyle and related health conditions needs to kick that thinking to the curb. You CAN make changes that will change the course of your future health and it is so worth it. Cambridge was my springboard to good health and I am eternally grateful.

Success Story!

Hey guys! I just had to share with you all. I have a customer that I have been working with off and on for the past few years. Like many of us, she'd had a hard time committing to her health and weight loss. Being a single mom of 4, she had a hard time making herself a priority, but after a doctor's appointment last year where she learned that she was diabetic, she had a fire lit under her and she jumped in with both feet, fully committed to getting the weight off and getting her health under control. When she called me last Feb, there were lots of tears (on both our parts!) and she was scared and doubtful, but we got her going again and I am pleased to say, today she reached her goal! She lost a total of 138 pounds and is no longer on any meds for diabetes! She has turned in to a total gym rat and told me that for the first time in her life, she feels excited about what's to come. We talked about dating (she's not ready) and about my skin removal surgery (she has an consult appointment for a tummy tuck and breast lift next week, they call it a "Mommy Makeover" ) and she sounds so happy!

She would be the first to say that this took more emotional momentum then her diabetes Dx alone could maintain. It was her kick-start, but if she hadn't invested time and energy and effort in to creating a new lifestyle along the way, she never would have reached her goal. She had always been one of those who was desperately trying to lose weight for an event. Weddings, reunions, vacations, every time she contacted me it was for an upcoming social gathering that she didn't want to be the "fattest girl in the room" for. This time, she said it was different. Her focus was off of what other people would judge her for, and 100% on giving herself and her kids a better, healthier life. Now, instead of them all sitting in front of the TV and eating, they go out and do stuff!

I asked her if she would come and post her story here on the board, but she isn't one to share on social media. She did give me permission to tell her story for her.

I know some of you have a similar story. Some of you start with the best of intentions, only to lose your momentum and quit until the next attempt. She wanted me to tell people that she now realizes the sacrifice Cambridge requires of us, to forgo regular food for a while, is a tiny price to pay in hindsight. Going in, she felt completely  doubtful that she would be able to stick with it after all her failed attempts, but now..looking back, she realized that like Dorothy in "The Wizard Of Oz" she had the answer all the time right in her own back yard...or, more accurately, within herself. Once she took the focus off of outward influences, and instead focused on her own desires for her life, things fell in to place and she got out of her own way.

I hope her story inspires you to stop and examine your internal dialog, your motivation, your willingness to embrace a new lifestyle, and your belief in your ability to change. Never underestimate your ability to change.

That Old "Nature vs Nurture" Thing.

In all my years (most of my life) of living  as an overweight to obese person, I often tried to solve the mystery of why I was burdened with whatever it was that had made me that way. I know most believe it is just a matter of eating too much and not moving enough, but I know for a fact this is not true.

I grew up in a home where we were not allowed to raid the fridge or dig around in the pantry for something to eat. We were raised to eat what my mother put in front of us, no more, no less. There was no fast food or restaurant meals in our lives. There was very little of what would be considered snack type junk foods. Just home cooking. I was one of 4 siblings, the baby. My 3 older sibs had no weight issues at all. They were thin and for the most part pretty sedentary. I was 100% tomboy. I rarely sat still and even TV watching was a short term activity for me. Besides, in the 60's and 70's there were only a few channels to choose from and cartoons were only on Saturday mornings. If we did not have our chores done in time, we missed the boat. With only one TV in the house, my parents had first priority for evening viewing choices.  I learned very early (around 4) to become an avid reader for my entertainment, or to just go outside and play.  I loved basketball, handball, riding my bike, working with my dad in the garage, anything that kept me moving. In spite of that, I was a pudgy kid from birth.

One of my earliest memories were of being in my stroller at a school carnival with my mom and brother and sisters. We had stopped at a booth with the most amazing aroma! They were selling little bags of fudge and boy I could hardly wait! My mom was actually buying some! I waited for my share, but I was told, "Not for you...you're too chubby". I had no idea what that meant, but I knew that for some reason, there was something wrong with me. From that point on, that was my number one identity in my mind.  I was different. I was "chubby".

Thus began my endless quest to be thin and normal, first through my mother's efforts, then through my own. As I said, although I ate exactly the same as my siblings, I was the only one in my family, other then my mother, who had a weight issue.  My mother had also been an extremely active child and teenager. Her sister had been completely sedentary...and thin. It was during the depression and her father had died when she was only 14. Needless to say, she and her sister and mother had struggled to get by so food was not abundant.  In spite of my mother's involvement with sports, even playing ball with the boys long before that was acceptable, she was never thin like her girlfriends all were. She eventually became an obese woman that lead to hypertension, then heart failure, then death at only 62. I evidently inherited my mothers health DNA. I inexplicably struggled with the weight, had elevated BP in my teens, became diabetic even though I kept my weight from exploding through very strict control, and had heart failure in my mid 20's. This was not a lifestyle issue. I came in to the world this way.

Over all these years, trying to understand why, in spite of my constant effort to remain healthy...well...except in my 30's when I just stopped fighting it up and ballooned to well over 300 pounds...why could I not figure out how to be "normal" like my friends? So much guilt is attached to obesity and like me, not everyone who struggles with this problem is 100% to blame.  Just like the color of your eyes or hair, or personality traits or interests, how our body processes nutrients will differ, sometimes well out of the norm. You can't change that.

My point is not to make excuses or cry "poor poor pitiful me" or blame my mother. This is and has always been my reality. My job has been to do what I can to manage it and not end up dying much too early from a weight related disease as she did. Keeping my weight under control it top priority to accomplish this. For me, Cambridge not only allowed me to lose the weight when no other diet would work for me, but it has also been my maintenance tool that has kept me on track for a long healthy life. I turn 56 next week. When I compare my health status at this age, to what I remember my mother's being, it is drastically different. I still have the same health issues and I always will, but I keep things controlled and I work hard at staying as healthy as I possibly can in spite of them.

To Weigh, Or Not To Weigh. That Is The Question

I've been back on track since the 14th so this is day 10 for me. I weighed and I have lost 7.2 pounds. I'm happy with that . It's been a steady progression which is what I like to see. I am a charting kind of gal. I find that I do best when I have my college ruled spiral notebook to record in every day. I have columns for date, weight, blood sugar, ( history of diabetes) blood pressure,(history of hypertension) pulse, and I put either an up or down arrow beside each entry to be able to visually see the overall trend of improvement. I keep it right here by my computer and it reinforces my commitment when I see it. This is what works for me.

The whole weighing thing is a very personal choice to make. We have regular debates on here about what is best, but that will be different for everyone depending on what emotional state they are in at the time and how the scale effects that.

For me, 13 years ago when I lost the first 120 pounds, weighing was a self inflicted torture. I was weighing up to 5 times a day! Even in the middle of the night if I got up to use the bathroom! I put all my emotions and self esteem in a bucket and weighed it constantly just to see how I should be feeling about myself at that moment. it was, at that stage, the worst thing I could do to myself and caused me unnecessary stress and doubt.

Now, I approach this with little to no emotion. I just have a job to do and I am treating it like that. My morning weigh in does not always send me dancing in the streets, but neither would it if I suddenly saw 5 pounds lost. I can glance over at my charting and see my overall trend of progress and THAT is what keeps me emotionally neutral.

I don't want to start a heated debate on the topic of weighing, but I will give this advice. Depending on what kind of personality you have, and what current state you are in regarding self esteem and how the numbers on a scale determine your state of mind and actions, this will tell you if you should be a daily weigher/tracker, or a once per month/week weigher. Be truthful with yourself and make your choice based on your best interest.

We are all pretty good at beating ourselves up when it comes to all things weight and size related. Don't be the bully in the bathroom every morning weighing yourself if it doesn't ALWAYS give you a positive and progressive feeling, no matter what the number. If it makes you feel bad about yourself, or disappointed or like nothing you do is every good enough, then stop for now. It will only hurt you and make you feel hopeless.

But, if you are more of an analytical type, charting may be the way for you to go.

99 days

There are 99 days until my 56th birthday. My (ultimate) goal this year was to be at my high school weight by then. I've made a few half heart'd stabs at it, but I just couldn't stay focused for the long haul. This goal is important to me, both for my health, as well as my sense of accomplishment.

Being married now has put a whole new spin on things. Before I was married, when I would have clients complain about their spouses being a distraction by wanting them to go out to eat or by bringing food home, I never understood the real problem like I do now. By being on a highly restricted diet like Cambridge, you're pretty much demanding that your significant other be on restriction with you, to a certain extent. When my husband has his 3 day weekend, he likes to go exploring, mostly day trips.  We are still newbies here in Florida and there is a lot to see. Being out all day kind of makes it necessary to eat at some point. My husband has a healthy appetite and can eat a full meal and be ready to eat again in an hour! He has no weight problem of course. I know how hard he works and on his days off I don't want to be a party pooper. He won't eat in front of me. He just can't make himself go against the way his Mama raised him. This then condemns him to starving and when he gets hungry, he gets really wobbly, really fast! On top of that, he loves to eat and wants to enjoy that with me. Nothing wrong with that of course.

So here's the problem....I need to do this, but I hate forcing him to limit his recreation on his hard earned days off. He needs that time to decompress and gear up for another miserable week in the Walmart Claims Dept. I've been going 'round and 'round about this for some time now. I get going on my diet, only to feel guilty and go off so he and I can enjoy our time together. Now to be clear, he in no way EVER complains, but he also won't eat if I don't. He's also perfectly happy with the size I am at now and doesn't think I need to lose, other then to improve my health of course.

When I realized last night that I only had 99 days remaining till my B-day, I made the decision that no matter what, I'm sticking to my Cambridge until I either reach my goal, or the 99 days are up. At the age I'm at now, along with my history of diabetes, my digestion is very slow. It's called "delayed gastric emptying" and it makes it so my body has plenty of time to absorb every single calorie. I lose about half as fast as I did 13 years ago, so this will take some uninterrupted time. I printed up three, 100 day countdown charts. I have one on the fridge, one on my bathroom mirror, and one right here in front of me on top of my computer. I will cross off the bathroom one in the AM when I get up, the fridge one after my lunch shake, and my computer one at night before going to bed. I told my husband what I'm doing and he is of course supportive, but I am well aware of the toll it will take on him and I kind of hate that. I am also doing this at the worst possible time with Thanksgiving looming and then of course, Christmas.

If anyone would like to get in on my 99 days SS, please do! I will be posting updates weekly. You can use the comments and I would love to have you along for the adventure!

Wish my luck!

Recovery, It's a Good Thing

So I am now 95% back to normal after my flu virus or whatever evil thing it was that slammed me this past week. Sadly, my family is all sick with it, but at lease I am well enough now to take care of them if they need me.

In the midst of my viral misery, I thought about how much I take for granted now.. and how much I am in denial about. Some years back there wasn't a second of any day that I wasn't sick and in pain from my obesity. It was 24/7. It's a dim enough memory now that I forget what it's like to not be able to do what I want without thinking. Jumping up to answer my phone, walking endless hours at Disney World with my husband, knowing that I can go anywhere out to eat and not worry about fitting in a booth, going grocery shopping and not feeling judged. Normal everyday stuff that used to be on my "Too much effort" list. It was a long list. Now I live my life with few limitations and I don't take that for granted. I doubt I ever will. I hope I never do.

The denial part is where it gets real. Are you ready for this? Am I ready for this? I am not thin. I am not at my ideal weight. I am technically still considered overweight by the charts that be. I'm a little pissed about that. Who are "they" to tell me I am overweight? If I feel good and I am enjoying my life, why isn't that good enough? Why do I or anyone else have to fall in line with a chart that declares us worthy? Why? Well...I know why. Because these charts are not to judge us or tell us we are too fat to wear white jeans. These charts are to tell us that our current weight puts us in a category of health risk common for the average individual who is our weight, height, gender, and age.  I am still very much at risk. In fact, considering my health history, it's a no brainer that I am still very much in the danger zone of diabetes and heart disease. It's in not only my own health history, but several generations of my genealogy.

My ultimate goal for this year is to get to my high school weight. This would put me in the lower range of the weight charts for best health benefits. Now, when I was a teenager, I was active, not to mention...a teenager! Even though I had always struggled with weight, my metabolism was a whole lot better at 17 then it is now. Knowing this, I need to get my head out of the sand and get busy. I have made a few temporary attempts at my goal, but let's face it, 55, almost 56, is plenty old enough to realize I don't have all of the time in the world to prevent some major health disaster from crashing in on me. My sister died last year from pulmonary hypertension. She was one year older then I am now. My Mom died at 62 from congestive heart failure. I've already had that before. There is vascular disease and heart disease and other serious risk factors including my own battle with diabetes that is REAL! Very real.

So tomorrow I begin again. I have a few months until my 56th B-day. I want to be at my ultimate goal. Wish me success!