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Showing posts with label goal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goal. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Staying Loyal To Our Commitments
When we are dealing with food addictions, we tend to make all kinds of commitments to change while in a heightened motivated state of mind, only to abandon those promises once the emotions have died down and the daily grind of sticking to a diet overwhelms us. Saying what you are going to do is completely different from actually doing it. Staying loyal is the only way to get to goal. Beginning is the easy part. The true test is not how you begin or end, but the work you do in the middle when the emotional high has faded and the goal seems so far away. Successful people keep going while others are making excuses to quit.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
That Old "Nature vs Nurture" Thing.
In all my years (most of my life) of living as an overweight to obese person, I often tried to solve the mystery of why I was burdened with whatever it was that had made me that way. I know most believe it is just a matter of eating too much and not moving enough, but I know for a fact this is not true.
I grew up in a home where we were not allowed to raid the fridge or dig around in the pantry for something to eat. We were raised to eat what my mother put in front of us, no more, no less. There was no fast food or restaurant meals in our lives. There was very little of what would be considered snack type junk foods. Just home cooking. I was one of 4 siblings, the baby. My 3 older sibs had no weight issues at all. They were thin and for the most part pretty sedentary. I was 100% tomboy. I rarely sat still and even TV watching was a short term activity for me. Besides, in the 60's and 70's there were only a few channels to choose from and cartoons were only on Saturday mornings. If we did not have our chores done in time, we missed the boat. With only one TV in the house, my parents had first priority for evening viewing choices. I learned very early (around 4) to become an avid reader for my entertainment, or to just go outside and play. I loved basketball, handball, riding my bike, working with my dad in the garage, anything that kept me moving. In spite of that, I was a pudgy kid from birth.
One of my earliest memories were of being in my stroller at a school carnival with my mom and brother and sisters. We had stopped at a booth with the most amazing aroma! They were selling little bags of fudge and boy I could hardly wait! My mom was actually buying some! I waited for my share, but I was told, "Not for you...you're too chubby". I had no idea what that meant, but I knew that for some reason, there was something wrong with me. From that point on, that was my number one identity in my mind. I was different. I was "chubby".
Thus began my endless quest to be thin and normal, first through my mother's efforts, then through my own. As I said, although I ate exactly the same as my siblings, I was the only one in my family, other then my mother, who had a weight issue. My mother had also been an extremely active child and teenager. Her sister had been completely sedentary...and thin. It was during the depression and her father had died when she was only 14. Needless to say, she and her sister and mother had struggled to get by so food was not abundant. In spite of my mother's involvement with sports, even playing ball with the boys long before that was acceptable, she was never thin like her girlfriends all were. She eventually became an obese woman that lead to hypertension, then heart failure, then death at only 62. I evidently inherited my mothers health DNA. I inexplicably struggled with the weight, had elevated BP in my teens, became diabetic even though I kept my weight from exploding through very strict control, and had heart failure in my mid 20's. This was not a lifestyle issue. I came in to the world this way.
Over all these years, trying to understand why, in spite of my constant effort to remain healthy...well...except in my 30's when I just stopped fighting it up and ballooned to well over 300 pounds...why could I not figure out how to be "normal" like my friends? So much guilt is attached to obesity and like me, not everyone who struggles with this problem is 100% to blame. Just like the color of your eyes or hair, or personality traits or interests, how our body processes nutrients will differ, sometimes well out of the norm. You can't change that.
My point is not to make excuses or cry "poor poor pitiful me" or blame my mother. This is and has always been my reality. My job has been to do what I can to manage it and not end up dying much too early from a weight related disease as she did. Keeping my weight under control it top priority to accomplish this. For me, Cambridge not only allowed me to lose the weight when no other diet would work for me, but it has also been my maintenance tool that has kept me on track for a long healthy life. I turn 56 next week. When I compare my health status at this age, to what I remember my mother's being, it is drastically different. I still have the same health issues and I always will, but I keep things controlled and I work hard at staying as healthy as I possibly can in spite of them.
I grew up in a home where we were not allowed to raid the fridge or dig around in the pantry for something to eat. We were raised to eat what my mother put in front of us, no more, no less. There was no fast food or restaurant meals in our lives. There was very little of what would be considered snack type junk foods. Just home cooking. I was one of 4 siblings, the baby. My 3 older sibs had no weight issues at all. They were thin and for the most part pretty sedentary. I was 100% tomboy. I rarely sat still and even TV watching was a short term activity for me. Besides, in the 60's and 70's there were only a few channels to choose from and cartoons were only on Saturday mornings. If we did not have our chores done in time, we missed the boat. With only one TV in the house, my parents had first priority for evening viewing choices. I learned very early (around 4) to become an avid reader for my entertainment, or to just go outside and play. I loved basketball, handball, riding my bike, working with my dad in the garage, anything that kept me moving. In spite of that, I was a pudgy kid from birth.
One of my earliest memories were of being in my stroller at a school carnival with my mom and brother and sisters. We had stopped at a booth with the most amazing aroma! They were selling little bags of fudge and boy I could hardly wait! My mom was actually buying some! I waited for my share, but I was told, "Not for you...you're too chubby". I had no idea what that meant, but I knew that for some reason, there was something wrong with me. From that point on, that was my number one identity in my mind. I was different. I was "chubby".
Thus began my endless quest to be thin and normal, first through my mother's efforts, then through my own. As I said, although I ate exactly the same as my siblings, I was the only one in my family, other then my mother, who had a weight issue. My mother had also been an extremely active child and teenager. Her sister had been completely sedentary...and thin. It was during the depression and her father had died when she was only 14. Needless to say, she and her sister and mother had struggled to get by so food was not abundant. In spite of my mother's involvement with sports, even playing ball with the boys long before that was acceptable, she was never thin like her girlfriends all were. She eventually became an obese woman that lead to hypertension, then heart failure, then death at only 62. I evidently inherited my mothers health DNA. I inexplicably struggled with the weight, had elevated BP in my teens, became diabetic even though I kept my weight from exploding through very strict control, and had heart failure in my mid 20's. This was not a lifestyle issue. I came in to the world this way.
Over all these years, trying to understand why, in spite of my constant effort to remain healthy...well...except in my 30's when I just stopped fighting it up and ballooned to well over 300 pounds...why could I not figure out how to be "normal" like my friends? So much guilt is attached to obesity and like me, not everyone who struggles with this problem is 100% to blame. Just like the color of your eyes or hair, or personality traits or interests, how our body processes nutrients will differ, sometimes well out of the norm. You can't change that.
My point is not to make excuses or cry "poor poor pitiful me" or blame my mother. This is and has always been my reality. My job has been to do what I can to manage it and not end up dying much too early from a weight related disease as she did. Keeping my weight under control it top priority to accomplish this. For me, Cambridge not only allowed me to lose the weight when no other diet would work for me, but it has also been my maintenance tool that has kept me on track for a long healthy life. I turn 56 next week. When I compare my health status at this age, to what I remember my mother's being, it is drastically different. I still have the same health issues and I always will, but I keep things controlled and I work hard at staying as healthy as I possibly can in spite of them.
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Persistence, Not Perfection. An Emotional Healing
While on Cambridge, we all hope for perfection. We strive to stick to our diet without any detours or derailments. Unfortunately, it's not realistic to think we can isolate ourselves throughout the entire process of losing our weight. Success with Cambridge is not about perfection. It's about persistence. "All or nothing" thinking gets many of us in to a never ending loop of starting and stopping our diets. It reinforces thoughts of failure which only makes us feel hopeless and we give up once again.
There's always going to be something that comes up that will involve food somehow. That's just life. For example, lets say you have friends or family come in to town unexpectedly and the decision is made for everyone to go out to eat. You don't want to be "that" person that lessens everyone else's experience by staying home or just sitting there with a diet soda while the rest of the table eats uncomfortably around you. What do you do? Do you just dive in and go for it, using this as the perfect excuse to eat yourself under the table? Or, do you practice some good eating choices? We only have a problem if we continue to use normal every day activities and events as an excuse to binge and indulge our food addictions. If you eat like a health minded person, then that is a success! It's progress of the best kind. You are reinforcing your new lifestyle choices and will be in the proper state of mind to resume your Cambridge without it triggering an emotionally charged binge.
Eating food is not the problem. The emotions we nurture when we eat food are! The bargaining and excuses and justifying...these are the problem. They stir the pot of compulsive behavior and pretty soon, it boils over.
When given the unavoidable opportunity to practice good eating choices, take it as part of your recovery and make a point of detaching emotions from the event. Use it to your benefit as a chance to prove to yourself that you can keep food in it's proper perspective. That's not easy in our food obsessed culture. What other time in our history has food played such a obsessive central roll in our every day lives? TV shows and entire networks are devoted to it. The once common job of cooking for a living has become celebrity status. Restaurants and even food trucks clamber for cult like followings. Even home cooks are now endlessly striving for show stopper meals they see displayed on Pinterest and other social media. It used to be we just had to try to compete with Martha Stewart. Now we're all supposed to BE Martha Stewart!
You want to be free. The goal should not only be about being a certain size, shape, or weight. It should not only be about looking better for an event or a deadline. We all want to be free from this thing that our lives currently revolve around...our eating disorders. We all need an emotional mental healing. Only then will our bodies be able to do the work to heal us physically. We can't observe this healing from viewing X-Rays or stitches or any other tangible evidence of recovery. We have to be tuned in to our thoughts at all times and be willing to abort those that do us harm. A peaceful co-existence between our mind and our body, one nurturing the other.
There's always going to be something that comes up that will involve food somehow. That's just life. For example, lets say you have friends or family come in to town unexpectedly and the decision is made for everyone to go out to eat. You don't want to be "that" person that lessens everyone else's experience by staying home or just sitting there with a diet soda while the rest of the table eats uncomfortably around you. What do you do? Do you just dive in and go for it, using this as the perfect excuse to eat yourself under the table? Or, do you practice some good eating choices? We only have a problem if we continue to use normal every day activities and events as an excuse to binge and indulge our food addictions. If you eat like a health minded person, then that is a success! It's progress of the best kind. You are reinforcing your new lifestyle choices and will be in the proper state of mind to resume your Cambridge without it triggering an emotionally charged binge.
Eating food is not the problem. The emotions we nurture when we eat food are! The bargaining and excuses and justifying...these are the problem. They stir the pot of compulsive behavior and pretty soon, it boils over.
When given the unavoidable opportunity to practice good eating choices, take it as part of your recovery and make a point of detaching emotions from the event. Use it to your benefit as a chance to prove to yourself that you can keep food in it's proper perspective. That's not easy in our food obsessed culture. What other time in our history has food played such a obsessive central roll in our every day lives? TV shows and entire networks are devoted to it. The once common job of cooking for a living has become celebrity status. Restaurants and even food trucks clamber for cult like followings. Even home cooks are now endlessly striving for show stopper meals they see displayed on Pinterest and other social media. It used to be we just had to try to compete with Martha Stewart. Now we're all supposed to BE Martha Stewart!
You want to be free. The goal should not only be about being a certain size, shape, or weight. It should not only be about looking better for an event or a deadline. We all want to be free from this thing that our lives currently revolve around...our eating disorders. We all need an emotional mental healing. Only then will our bodies be able to do the work to heal us physically. We can't observe this healing from viewing X-Rays or stitches or any other tangible evidence of recovery. We have to be tuned in to our thoughts at all times and be willing to abort those that do us harm. A peaceful co-existence between our mind and our body, one nurturing the other.
Friday, November 14, 2014
Quick Hello
Hey readers. I just wanted to check in with a progress report. I'm on my third day of my 99 day challenge and so far, so good. Last night was a little rocky. I was pretty hungry and really had to keep the mental pep talk going. I normally don't experience hunger anymore, even when SSing so this is new. I have to admit that my diet of late has been a lot sloppier then normal so that is likely why. Paying the piper I guess!
Today is better. My tummy is a little growley still, but it's lunch time anyway so that's ok. I'm am experiencing a slight metallic taste in my mouth so I guess I am going in to ketosis which should take care of the hunger. My energy is great today and I feel better overall so this is progress! Tomorrow will be a good day.
I'm not weighing right now. I decided that for my first month I will stay off the scale. I will have my first weigh in Dec 12th. I have a pretty good idea of my starting weight already. I'm not focusing on the day to day numbers. Once a month weigh ins will be right for me.
So day 97 of my 99 day countdown is going well. Anyone joining me?
Today is better. My tummy is a little growley still, but it's lunch time anyway so that's ok. I'm am experiencing a slight metallic taste in my mouth so I guess I am going in to ketosis which should take care of the hunger. My energy is great today and I feel better overall so this is progress! Tomorrow will be a good day.
I'm not weighing right now. I decided that for my first month I will stay off the scale. I will have my first weigh in Dec 12th. I have a pretty good idea of my starting weight already. I'm not focusing on the day to day numbers. Once a month weigh ins will be right for me.
So day 97 of my 99 day countdown is going well. Anyone joining me?
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Recovery, It's a Good Thing
So I am now 95% back to normal after my flu virus or whatever evil thing it was that slammed me this past week. Sadly, my family is all sick with it, but at lease I am well enough now to take care of them if they need me.
In the midst of my viral misery, I thought about how much I take for granted now.. and how much I am in denial about. Some years back there wasn't a second of any day that I wasn't sick and in pain from my obesity. It was 24/7. It's a dim enough memory now that I forget what it's like to not be able to do what I want without thinking. Jumping up to answer my phone, walking endless hours at Disney World with my husband, knowing that I can go anywhere out to eat and not worry about fitting in a booth, going grocery shopping and not feeling judged. Normal everyday stuff that used to be on my "Too much effort" list. It was a long list. Now I live my life with few limitations and I don't take that for granted. I doubt I ever will. I hope I never do.
The denial part is where it gets real. Are you ready for this? Am I ready for this? I am not thin. I am not at my ideal weight. I am technically still considered overweight by the charts that be. I'm a little pissed about that. Who are "they" to tell me I am overweight? If I feel good and I am enjoying my life, why isn't that good enough? Why do I or anyone else have to fall in line with a chart that declares us worthy? Why? Well...I know why. Because these charts are not to judge us or tell us we are too fat to wear white jeans. These charts are to tell us that our current weight puts us in a category of health risk common for the average individual who is our weight, height, gender, and age. I am still very much at risk. In fact, considering my health history, it's a no brainer that I am still very much in the danger zone of diabetes and heart disease. It's in not only my own health history, but several generations of my genealogy.
My ultimate goal for this year is to get to my high school weight. This would put me in the lower range of the weight charts for best health benefits. Now, when I was a teenager, I was active, not to mention...a teenager! Even though I had always struggled with weight, my metabolism was a whole lot better at 17 then it is now. Knowing this, I need to get my head out of the sand and get busy. I have made a few temporary attempts at my goal, but let's face it, 55, almost 56, is plenty old enough to realize I don't have all of the time in the world to prevent some major health disaster from crashing in on me. My sister died last year from pulmonary hypertension. She was one year older then I am now. My Mom died at 62 from congestive heart failure. I've already had that before. There is vascular disease and heart disease and other serious risk factors including my own battle with diabetes that is REAL! Very real.
So tomorrow I begin again. I have a few months until my 56th B-day. I want to be at my ultimate goal. Wish me success!
In the midst of my viral misery, I thought about how much I take for granted now.. and how much I am in denial about. Some years back there wasn't a second of any day that I wasn't sick and in pain from my obesity. It was 24/7. It's a dim enough memory now that I forget what it's like to not be able to do what I want without thinking. Jumping up to answer my phone, walking endless hours at Disney World with my husband, knowing that I can go anywhere out to eat and not worry about fitting in a booth, going grocery shopping and not feeling judged. Normal everyday stuff that used to be on my "Too much effort" list. It was a long list. Now I live my life with few limitations and I don't take that for granted. I doubt I ever will. I hope I never do.
The denial part is where it gets real. Are you ready for this? Am I ready for this? I am not thin. I am not at my ideal weight. I am technically still considered overweight by the charts that be. I'm a little pissed about that. Who are "they" to tell me I am overweight? If I feel good and I am enjoying my life, why isn't that good enough? Why do I or anyone else have to fall in line with a chart that declares us worthy? Why? Well...I know why. Because these charts are not to judge us or tell us we are too fat to wear white jeans. These charts are to tell us that our current weight puts us in a category of health risk common for the average individual who is our weight, height, gender, and age. I am still very much at risk. In fact, considering my health history, it's a no brainer that I am still very much in the danger zone of diabetes and heart disease. It's in not only my own health history, but several generations of my genealogy.
My ultimate goal for this year is to get to my high school weight. This would put me in the lower range of the weight charts for best health benefits. Now, when I was a teenager, I was active, not to mention...a teenager! Even though I had always struggled with weight, my metabolism was a whole lot better at 17 then it is now. Knowing this, I need to get my head out of the sand and get busy. I have made a few temporary attempts at my goal, but let's face it, 55, almost 56, is plenty old enough to realize I don't have all of the time in the world to prevent some major health disaster from crashing in on me. My sister died last year from pulmonary hypertension. She was one year older then I am now. My Mom died at 62 from congestive heart failure. I've already had that before. There is vascular disease and heart disease and other serious risk factors including my own battle with diabetes that is REAL! Very real.
So tomorrow I begin again. I have a few months until my 56th B-day. I want to be at my ultimate goal. Wish me success!
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