Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes

The title of a David Bowie song that I sang to Andy this morning. It seemed appropriate. He had gotten in to a habit of resting his hands on the top of his belly like a 9 month pregnant women while sitting on the couch. He plopped down this morning and out of habit he put his hands on what used to be his belly and they fell to his lap. He looked so surprised that it made me laugh! I handed him a pillow and told him it was his prosthetic tummy. (lol)

My changes are also noticeable. No more "chub rub" as my daughter calls it when your thighs rub together while walking. I noticed that stopped a few weeks ago and it almost made it seem as though my legs had gotten longer! Other changes are happening and most of them are good. I do notice that some things are getting looser and wobblier, but that's to be expected I guess. Small price to pay. With the additions I add to my 3 Cambridges each day (eggwhite, almond milk, coffee creamer, some green veg like spinach or cabbage) I am in a good weight loss pattern that is comfortable and satisfying. I am confident I will reach my goal.

I know it's a struggle to lose weight. I know we fight mental battles and get discouraged or feel like we just can't change...but we can! Of course we can! Just as you are not the same person you were 5, 10, or 20 years ago, you can be a different, better version of yourself beginning right now. Andy gave up the first time he tried Cambridge. He absolutely fell apart and had an emotional breakdown and was sure he was going to die! lol! Seriously....no joke. It was his mind set that made the difference. He got those bad blood work reports and had a change of heart. The second attempt was made with a purpose and determination that he was not going to neglect his health and risk a recurrence of vascular disease that had resulted in a triple heart bypass 6 years ago. Never underestimate your ability to change!

To Weigh, Or Not To Weigh. That Is The Question

I've been back on track since the 14th so this is day 10 for me. I weighed and I have lost 7.2 pounds. I'm happy with that . It's been a steady progression which is what I like to see. I am a charting kind of gal. I find that I do best when I have my college ruled spiral notebook to record in every day. I have columns for date, weight, blood sugar, ( history of diabetes) blood pressure,(history of hypertension) pulse, and I put either an up or down arrow beside each entry to be able to visually see the overall trend of improvement. I keep it right here by my computer and it reinforces my commitment when I see it. This is what works for me.

The whole weighing thing is a very personal choice to make. We have regular debates on here about what is best, but that will be different for everyone depending on what emotional state they are in at the time and how the scale effects that.

For me, 13 years ago when I lost the first 120 pounds, weighing was a self inflicted torture. I was weighing up to 5 times a day! Even in the middle of the night if I got up to use the bathroom! I put all my emotions and self esteem in a bucket and weighed it constantly just to see how I should be feeling about myself at that moment. it was, at that stage, the worst thing I could do to myself and caused me unnecessary stress and doubt.

Now, I approach this with little to no emotion. I just have a job to do and I am treating it like that. My morning weigh in does not always send me dancing in the streets, but neither would it if I suddenly saw 5 pounds lost. I can glance over at my charting and see my overall trend of progress and THAT is what keeps me emotionally neutral.

I don't want to start a heated debate on the topic of weighing, but I will give this advice. Depending on what kind of personality you have, and what current state you are in regarding self esteem and how the numbers on a scale determine your state of mind and actions, this will tell you if you should be a daily weigher/tracker, or a once per month/week weigher. Be truthful with yourself and make your choice based on your best interest.

We are all pretty good at beating ourselves up when it comes to all things weight and size related. Don't be the bully in the bathroom every morning weighing yourself if it doesn't ALWAYS give you a positive and progressive feeling, no matter what the number. If it makes you feel bad about yourself, or disappointed or like nothing you do is every good enough, then stop for now. It will only hurt you and make you feel hopeless.

But, if you are more of an analytical type, charting may be the way for you to go.

Recovery, It's a Good Thing

So I am now 95% back to normal after my flu virus or whatever evil thing it was that slammed me this past week. Sadly, my family is all sick with it, but at lease I am well enough now to take care of them if they need me.

In the midst of my viral misery, I thought about how much I take for granted now.. and how much I am in denial about. Some years back there wasn't a second of any day that I wasn't sick and in pain from my obesity. It was 24/7. It's a dim enough memory now that I forget what it's like to not be able to do what I want without thinking. Jumping up to answer my phone, walking endless hours at Disney World with my husband, knowing that I can go anywhere out to eat and not worry about fitting in a booth, going grocery shopping and not feeling judged. Normal everyday stuff that used to be on my "Too much effort" list. It was a long list. Now I live my life with few limitations and I don't take that for granted. I doubt I ever will. I hope I never do.

The denial part is where it gets real. Are you ready for this? Am I ready for this? I am not thin. I am not at my ideal weight. I am technically still considered overweight by the charts that be. I'm a little pissed about that. Who are "they" to tell me I am overweight? If I feel good and I am enjoying my life, why isn't that good enough? Why do I or anyone else have to fall in line with a chart that declares us worthy? Why? Well...I know why. Because these charts are not to judge us or tell us we are too fat to wear white jeans. These charts are to tell us that our current weight puts us in a category of health risk common for the average individual who is our weight, height, gender, and age.  I am still very much at risk. In fact, considering my health history, it's a no brainer that I am still very much in the danger zone of diabetes and heart disease. It's in not only my own health history, but several generations of my genealogy.

My ultimate goal for this year is to get to my high school weight. This would put me in the lower range of the weight charts for best health benefits. Now, when I was a teenager, I was active, not to mention...a teenager! Even though I had always struggled with weight, my metabolism was a whole lot better at 17 then it is now. Knowing this, I need to get my head out of the sand and get busy. I have made a few temporary attempts at my goal, but let's face it, 55, almost 56, is plenty old enough to realize I don't have all of the time in the world to prevent some major health disaster from crashing in on me. My sister died last year from pulmonary hypertension. She was one year older then I am now. My Mom died at 62 from congestive heart failure. I've already had that before. There is vascular disease and heart disease and other serious risk factors including my own battle with diabetes that is REAL! Very real.

So tomorrow I begin again. I have a few months until my 56th B-day. I want to be at my ultimate goal. Wish me success!